Brown Chicken, Brown Cow

DISCLAIMER: This blog post was written in good fun. It does not reflect the views of anyone associated with this blog in anyway. In addition, it may contain some adult content and/or biblical mockery that may offend some people. If you are one of those people, read on at your own risk or don’t read on at all. Your choice. We all have choices and I choose to not take everything so seriously just as you, the reader, may choose to skip my Thursday blog posts. I am neither a heathen nor an atheist. As a matter of fact, I was raised in the Catholic Church and attended Catholic School for a number of years. Again, this is all in good fun – and laughing makes us all live a little longer. So if you’re ready to turn that frown upside down, read on.

Most everyone knows the story of how David defeated Goliath.

And after said defeat, God made David king.

But did you know about David’s ensuing douchebaggery? Not sure if being king went to his head or what but the tale of David and Bathsheba makes me cringe a little. 

All Writers Go to Hell – Let’s Have a Party

DISCLAIMER: This blog post was written in good fun. It does not reflect the views of anyone associated with this blog in anyway. In addition, it may contain some adult content and/or biblical mockery that may offend some people. If you are one of those people, read on at your own risk or don’t read on at all. Your choice. We all have choices and I choose to not take everything so seriously just as you, the reader, may choose to skip my Thursday blog posts. I am neither a heathen nor an atheist. As a matter of fact, I was raised in the Catholic Church and attended Catholic School for a number of years. Again, this is all in good fun – and laughing makes us all live a little longer. So if you’re ready to turn that frown upside down, read on.

Before I begin this post, I’d like to name the winner of the TORN ebook – JMBRAY!!! Please comment here with your email address and I will gift you a Kindle copy, or a pdf , if you prefer.

Now – for the Bizarro!

I’ve been thinking a lot lately of hypocrites and characters with what can only be described as a personality disorder. Patrick Bateman from Brett Easton Ellis’ American Psycho comes to mind. Not as a hypocrite necessarily but as a memorable character with a severe case of “Who the f@ck am I?”

“Let’s Eat Our Babies!”

DISCLAIMER: This blog post was written in good fun. It does not reflect the views of anyone associated with this blog in anyway. In addition, it may contain some adult content and/or biblical mockery that may offend some people. If you are one of those people, read on at your own risk or don’t read on at all. Your choice. We all have choices and I choose to not take everything so seriously just as you, the reader, may choose to skip my Thursday blog posts. I am neither a heathen nor an atheist. As a matter of fact, I was raised in the Catholic Church and attended Catholic School for a number of years. Again, this is all in good fun – and laughing makes us all live a little longer. So if you’re ready to turn that frown upside down, read on.

I come across so many hysterically funny blog posts and articles when I’m researching for my Thursday posts.  From the bizarre to the disgusting, from the uplifting to the silly. I have background in religious education – I went to Catholic School as a kid and again in college. I attended Georgian Court University, a school run my the Sisters of Mercy. I was required to take credits in religious studies in order to graduate. So when I talk about all this stuff, it isn’t for lack of education or because of an ass load of ignorance. Nine times out of ten, I get it. I know what the morals of the story are, I know what the lessons should be and when I don’t, I say so. Not that I am an expert in religious studies, not by any stretch of the imagination. I just have background knowledge and I like to pose the questions I wasn’t allowed to pose when I was learning all this stuff.

The way I see it, there’s an awful lot of baby killing in the Bible. Firstborn sacrifices, threats to slice a baby in half – I could go on and on. I’d like to take a few lines from Kings 6 and see if we can figure this out together…

2 Kings 6:26-29

Spank Me…Metaphorically Speaking, Of Course

DISCLAIMER: This blog post was written in good fun. It does not reflect the views of anyone associated with this blog in any way. In addition, it may contain some adult content and/or biblical mockery that may offend some people. If you are one of those people, read on at your own risk or don’t read on at all. Your choice. We all have choices and I choose to not take everything so seriously just as you, the reader, may choose to skip my Thursday blog posts. I am neither a heathen nor an atheist. As a matter of fact, I was raised in the Catholic Church and attended Catholic School for a number of years. Again, this is all in good fun – and laughing makes us all live a little longer. So if you’re ready to turn that frown upside down, read on.

I am about to delve into a story that kinda really freaks me out. Well, I don’t really want to get into the whole story, per se. I mean it’s cool there was an angel hanging around and all but the part that has me wondering if the Bible really and truly, encased within its leather-bound Holiness, just does not dig masturbation. Now before we get on our high horses, settle down – I’ve been disclaimered so technically, you can’t freak out on me for mentioning the Bible and masturbation in the same sentence.

Breakin’ the Law

DISCLAIMER: This blog post was written in good fun. It does not reflect the views of anyone associated with this blog in anyway. In addition, it may contain some adult content and/or biblical mockery that may offend some people. If you are one of those people, read on at your own risk or don’t read on at all. Your choice. We all have choices and I choose to not take everything so seriously just as you, the reader, may choose to skip my Thursday blog posts. I am neither a heathen nor an atheist. As a matter of fact, I was raised in the Catholic Church and attended Catholic School for a number of years. Again, this is all in good fun – and laughing makes us all live a little longer. So if you’re ready to turn that frown upside down, read on.

 

Hosea 1

When I was doing some research for this post, I stumbled across an odd story. Of course, my immediate reaction was “WTF?” But my second reaction was, “I so have to include this…”

You Just Can’t Make This Stuff Up

DISCLAIMER: This blog post was written in good fun. It does not reflect the views of anyone associated with this blog in anyway. In addition, it may contain some adult content and/or biblical mockery that may offend some people. If you are one of those people, read on at your own risk or don’t read on at all. Your choice. We all have choices and I choose to not take everything so seriously just as you, the reader, may choose to skip my Thursday blog posts. I am neither a heathen nor an atheist. As a matter of fact, I was raised in the Catholic Church and attended Catholic School for a number of years. Again, this is all in good fun – and laughing makes us all live a little longer. So if you’re ready to turn that frown upside down, read on.

 

Annnnd once again, I am late in getting this post together. Honestly, I skipped over Thursday and thought it was Friday. I also don’t generally write my posts ahead of time – much like my final paper in my Shakespeare class my senior year of college, I usually wait until the last minute, as in, the morning of. I’m a pressure writer. I give people heart attacks because of it. Anyhoo…

On the menu for today – A bizarro story from the Bible. Genesis 38: 6-10

(I may be smote*  for blasphemy.)

I found this story when I was surfing the ‘net for something to write about. I found this crazy story so many times all over the place. I had to share.

*** THIS IS JUST A STORY I FIND ODD – PLEASE DO NOT FREAK OUT AND CURSE ME TO HELL. MY INTENTION IS NOT TO OFFEND YOU, uh, THEE. ***

 Bible Porn –

This is a Work of Fiction…

Apparently I am going to Catholic jail. Or purgatory. Or hell. Or wherever good Catholic -school girls who take it upon themselves to question, even re-write (the horror!) the biblical stories thrust upon them by well-intentioned, ruler wielding nuns, go. Of course it wasn’t really my intention to cause such controversy. Well, maybe subliminally. Torn was just a book I wrote and published that happened to be about fallen angels. And I wasn’t even writing it to include angels – that just kind of happened. Of course we’re all taught fallen angels are terrible creatures who questioned God. Well, what if some of them want to regain favor with the God who cast them out? What if Lucifer, Satan, Damien, Beelzebub – whatever you feel more comfortable calling him – wasn’t really the behind the fall?

Has Fiction Lost its Faith? – Article via the New York Times

I stumbled across an article in the New York Times today titled “Has Fiction Lost its Faith?” by Paul Elie. It is an opinion piece that addresses the apparent fading of stories about the quandaries of Christian belief.