“Let’s Eat Our Babies!”

DISCLAIMER: This blog post was written in good fun. It does not reflect the views of anyone associated with this blog in anyway. In addition, it may contain some adult content and/or biblical mockery that may offend some people. If you are one of those people, read on at your own risk or don’t read on at all. Your choice. We all have choices and I choose to not take everything so seriously just as you, the reader, may choose to skip my Thursday blog posts. I am neither a heathen nor an atheist. As a matter of fact, I was raised in the Catholic Church and attended Catholic School for a number of years. Again, this is all in good fun – and laughing makes us all live a little longer. So if you’re ready to turn that frown upside down, read on.

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I come across so many hysterically funny blog posts and articles when I’m researching for my Thursday posts.  From the bizarre to the disgusting, from the uplifting to the silly. I have background in religious education – I went to Catholic School as a kid and again in college. I attended Georgian Court University, a school run my the Sisters of Mercy. I was required to take credits in religious studies in order to graduate. So when I talk about all this stuff, it isn’t for lack of education or because of an ass load of ignorance. Nine times out of ten, I get it. I know what the morals of the story are, I know what the lessons should be and when I don’t, I say so. Not that I am an expert in religious studies, not by any stretch of the imagination. I just have background knowledge and I like to pose the questions I wasn’t allowed to pose when I was learning all this stuff.

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The way I see it, there’s an awful lot of baby killing in the Bible. Firstborn sacrifices, threats to slice a baby in half – I could go on and on. I’d like to take a few lines from Kings 6 and see if we can figure this out together…

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2 Kings 6:26-29

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I need to preface this by saying there was a famine in Samaria , the Arameans were fixin’ to lay siege, the king of Israel depended on the prophet Elisha to fend them off. But, when the king of Israel was walking along Samaria, he hit his boiling point (pun intended)  and ordered the head of Elisha because of the following:

26 As the king of Israel was passing by on the wall, a woman cried to him, “Help me, my lord the king!”

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27 The king replied, “If the Lord does not help you, where can I get help for you? From the threshing floor? From the winepress?” 28 Then he asked her, “What’s the matter?”

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She answered, “This woman said to me, ‘Give up your son so we may eat him today, and tomorrow we’ll eat my son.’ 29 So we cooked my son and ate him. The next day I said to her, ‘Give up your son so we may eat him,’ but she had hidden him.”

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Did she just say she made a deal with another woman to boil their babies and EAT them???

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And now she’s pissed because she went through with it and her friend had second thoughts?

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Not for nothin’, I know there’s a famine and all but how desperate do you have to be to eat your own kid?

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I for one would probably find a nice cow to kill, a donkey, a neighbor – something, anything. But I will tell you this. I would not eat my kid. I’m pretty sure both ladies are assholes. Especially the one that decided to hide her son. I mean, she feasted on the friend baby the day before. Then again, the lady that agreed to the whole “baby boiling feast”  ( I assume they boiled the baby)may edge out the other one in the asshole category.

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~Christine

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About Christine Hughes

A few things about me in no particular order: 1. I love the NY Jets (I know, I know...) 2. I love where I live. An hour to NY, Philly and the Jersey shore. 3. I have two boys and they make me laugh hard enough to blow liquids out of my nose. The hubs is funny enough to make me pee my pants. Not that it's ever happened. Of course not. 4. Being a writer is the best job on the planet, and not just because I can wear jammies to work, drink coffee by the gallonful, randomly catch up on my DVR'd shows, troll YouTube, flip on E! News and browse iTunes - all in the name of research. 5. I have some of the best friends in the world - they put up with my inappropriate jokes, foul mouth, strange musings and don't judge me if I drink too much wine on a Tuesday. Just sayin' - a girl needs her friends. 6. Represented by the most fabulous Michelle Johnson of Inklings Literary Agency. I fell into it with her - she is perfectly amazeballs. LOVE!

Posted on August 1, 2013, in Bizarro Bible Stories and tagged , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 2 Comments.

  1. Yep. This is why I study religion. Thanks for sharing.

    Also, as I understand it, Samaritans were the jerks of their day, which is why we have the Good Samaritan. The jerk from a country of jerks was the only one to stop and help out.

  2. Eek, so mommy mommy I had grandma’s guts….its real?

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