Breakin’ the Law
DISCLAIMER: This blog post was written in good fun. It does not reflect the views of anyone associated with this blog in anyway. In addition, it may contain some adult content and/or biblical mockery that may offend some people. If you are one of those people, read on at your own risk or don’t read on at all. Your choice. We all have choices and I choose to not take everything so seriously just as you, the reader, may choose to skip my Thursday blog posts. I am neither a heathen nor an atheist. As a matter of fact, I was raised in the Catholic Church and attended Catholic School for a number of years. Again, this is all in good fun – and laughing makes us all live a little longer. So if you’re ready to turn that frown upside down, read on.
When I was doing some research for this post, I stumbled across an odd story. Of course, my immediate reaction was “WTF?” But my second reaction was, “I so have to include this…”
In this particular story, God instructs Hosea, a prophet, to follow a few instructions. One of those instructions? Marry a hooker. Of course, the word “hooker” isn’t used in the Bible – instead the word prostitute is used. And in some versions, I’ve seen the word promiscuous used. Whatever. Six of one, half a dozen of the other…
Of course, I read this and I think to myself… “Ummm…That’s pretty hypocritical.” What? Can God pick and choose who gets to break the commandments? I mean, not for nothin’ but I’ve been all kinds of coveting my neighbor’s car. Again, just sayin’…
So I’m wondering, since Hosea’s wife is a hooker, doesn’t that automatically put those who are paying her (’cause you know she goes back to work after the kids start school..), in the bracket of those coveting another man’s wife? I mean, according to the rules, hooking is okay, being with a hooker is okay but if that hooker is married – no go. Gah! I’ll never be able to keep up with the loopholes! Seriously!
So anyway, Hosea listened like he was supposed to, a good little prophet, and married himself a “lady of the night”.
He was all like:
And he’s all like:
And she’s all like:
And so it goes, they got married, had babies that they named only when and what God told them to, she goes back to work, Hosea is heartbroken, yadda, yadda, yadda, they reconcile.
Now I understand that this whole, marry a prostitute wasn’t necessarily meant to be taken literally – God was just pissed that Israelites were committing “spiritual prostitution” by turning away from Him and idolizing other gods. He was, I guess, demonstrating tough love for his (un)faithful followers. What I don’t understand, is how do two wrongs make a right?
I have group A over here idolizing false gods,
(Does this mean middle school girls are going to hell?)
and group B (which primarily only includes Hosea, his hooker wife and the babies they eventually have) doing God’s bidding. Group A is willing breaking the commandments and Group B is breaking the commandments because God told them to do so. I mean, not like Gomer (yeah, that’s her name) thought for one minute she wasn’t gonna continue in her career after she got married. But the thing is, once she goes back to work, aren’t her, uh, customers, now committing two sins? How does that make anything better?
There is obviously more to this story but I kind of feel the need to focus on the fact that God would get so angry that he would order one of his prophets to break a commandment. I mean, I was brought up to think of God as all-forgiving, all-loving and well, sunshine and roses. The older I got, the more informed I became as to how vengeful He is.
Not that I am terribly surprised that God forced one of his faithful followers to commit such an act – I mean, he did flood the world and all…
Not that Hosea was the one breaking the commandment, but the fact that his wife was doomed to repeat her past must’ve put a large hole in his heart. And yet he continued to prophetize for Him.
It makes me wonder, when we read or write, do we fall into the trap of setting up an event so confusing, it leaves us and/or our readers in a state of “why the f*ck would that happen?”
Posted on April 11, 2013, in Bizarro Bible Stories and tagged Bible, biblical fanfic, Biblical FanFiction, Bizarre, Bizarre Bible Stories, Catholic, Christine Hughes, faith, New Stories, Old Book. Bookmark the permalink. 18 Comments.