Breakin’ the Law

DISCLAIMER: This blog post was written in good fun. It does not reflect the views of anyone associated with this blog in anyway. In addition, it may contain some adult content and/or biblical mockery that may offend some people. If you are one of those people, read on at your own risk or don’t read on at all. Your choice. We all have choices and I choose to not take everything so seriously just as you, the reader, may choose to skip my Thursday blog posts. I am neither a heathen nor an atheist. As a matter of fact, I was raised in the Catholic Church and attended Catholic School for a number of years. Again, this is all in good fun – and laughing makes us all live a little longer. So if you’re ready to turn that frown upside down, read on.

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Hosea 1

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When I was doing some research for this post, I stumbled across an odd story. Of course, my immediate reaction was “WTF?” But my second reaction was, “I so have to include this…”

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In this particular story, God instructs Hosea, a prophet, to follow a few instructions. One of those instructions? Marry a hooker. Of course, the word “hooker” isn’t used in the Bible – instead the word prostitute is used. And in some versions, I’ve seen the word promiscuous used. Whatever. Six of one, half a dozen of the other…

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(just sayin’…)

Of course, I read this and I think to myself… “Ummm…That’s pretty hypocritical.” What? Can God pick and choose who gets to break the commandments? I mean, not for nothin’ but I’ve been all kinds of coveting my neighbor’s car. Again, just sayin’…

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So I’m wondering, since Hosea’s wife is a hooker, doesn’t that automatically put those who are paying her (’cause you know she goes back to work after the kids start school..), in the bracket of those coveting another man’s wife? I mean, according to the rules, hooking is okay, being with a hooker is okay but if that hooker is married – no go. Gah! I’ll never be able to keep up with the loopholes! Seriously!

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So anyway, Hosea listened like he was supposed to, a good little prophet, and married himself a “lady of the night”.

He was all like:

images-9And she was all like:

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And he’s all like:

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And she’s all like:

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And so it goes, they got married, had babies that they named only when and what God told them to, she goes back to work, Hosea is heartbroken, yadda, yadda, yadda, they reconcile.

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Now I understand that this whole, marry a prostitute wasn’t necessarily meant to be taken literally – God was just pissed that Israelites were committing “spiritual prostitution” by turning away from Him and idolizing other gods. He was, I guess, demonstrating tough love for his (un)faithful followers. What I don’t understand, is how do two wrongs make a right?

I have group A over here idolizing false gods,

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(Does this mean middle school girls are going to hell?)

and group B (which primarily only includes Hosea, his hooker wife and the babies they eventually have) doing God’s bidding. Group A is willing breaking the commandments and Group B is breaking the commandments because God told them to do so. I mean, not like Gomer (yeah, that’s her name) thought for one minute she wasn’t gonna continue in her career after she got married. But the thing is, once she goes back to work, aren’t her, uh, customers, now committing two sins? How does that make anything better?

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There is obviously more to this story but I kind of feel the need to focus on the fact that God would get so angry that he would order one of his prophets to break a commandment. I mean, I was brought up to think of God as all-forgiving, all-loving and well, sunshine and roses. The older I got, the more informed I became as to how vengeful He is.

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Not that I am terribly surprised that God forced one of his faithful followers to commit such an act  – I mean, he did flood the world and all…

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Not that Hosea was the one breaking the commandment, but the fact that his wife was doomed to repeat her past must’ve put a large hole in his heart. And yet he continued to prophetize for Him.

It makes me wonder, when we read or write, do we fall into the trap of setting up an event so confusing, it leaves us and/or our readers in a state of “why the f*ck would that happen?”

~Christine

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About Christine Hughes

A few things about me in no particular order: 1. I love the NY Jets (I know, I know...) 2. I love where I live. An hour to NY, Philly and the Jersey shore. 3. I have two boys and they make me laugh hard enough to blow liquids out of my nose. The hubs is funny enough to make me pee my pants. Not that it's ever happened. Of course not. 4. Being a writer is the best job on the planet, and not just because I can wear jammies to work, drink coffee by the gallonful, randomly catch up on my DVR'd shows, troll YouTube, flip on E! News and browse iTunes - all in the name of research. 5. I have some of the best friends in the world - they put up with my inappropriate jokes, foul mouth, strange musings and don't judge me if I drink too much wine on a Tuesday. Just sayin' - a girl needs her friends. 6. Represented by the most fabulous Michelle Johnson of Inklings Literary Agency. I fell into it with her - she is perfectly amazeballs. LOVE!

Posted on April 11, 2013, in Bizarro Bible Stories and tagged , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 18 Comments.

  1. I love these posts, Christine…
    And you do reinforce the point that if you’re going to create a certain set of expectations for a character (like, say, a loving and forgiving God), you better have a darned good reason if you’re going to allow them to do something on the other end of the spectrum. Not saying it can’t work, just that there has to be an answer to ‘why’.

  2. Kudos for using the Buddy Christ. He always makes me smile. 🙂

  3. Thanks for another fun and thought provoking post. 🙂

    Maybe God hoped she would stop being such a Gomer and go all Julia Roberts-pretty-woman-ish. Ya know, hang up her stiletto sandals, have some kids, get thick ankles.

    I agree, we have to play our characters by the rules we set. However, I’m a huge sucker for the “Wow, I didn’t see that coming” moments and sometimes having a character step out of character can help that along. It’s a fine balance though. Go too far and it turns instantly to muck.

    • I agree when it comes to plot twists and unexpected moments – love those. But sometimes I just don’t understand why we are taught to see something one way but it’s actually something else entirely.

  4. Spike Cordiner

    Maybe God was going for the sarcastic: “Why don’t you just have a hooker wife and hooker kids since you’re behaving like hooker worshippers?” But Hosea misheard and took him seriously and the whole thing got out of hand.

  5. Was God trying to save this hooker? Isn’t that the way God works? And since she was human, go figure, she falls back into whatever? Which is our typical nature, to fall, and fall, and fall. Yeah, I’m sure God was pissed. I keep hearing Him say, “Don’t make me come down there!”

  6. Best argument for Terre d’Ange i’ve ever seen.

    Keep bringing the awesome stories.

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