What Would Jesus Do?

DISCLAIMER: This blog post was written in good fun. It does not reflect the views of anyone associated with this blog in anyway. In addition, it may contain some adult content and/or biblical mockery that may offend some people. If you are one of those people, read on at your own risk or don’t read on at all. Your choice. We all have choices and I choose to not take everything so seriously just as you, the reader, may choose to skip my Thursday blog posts. I am neither a heathen nor an atheist. As a matter of fact, I was raised in the Catholic Church and attended Catholic School for a number of years. Again, this is all in good fun – and laughing makes us all live a little longer. So if you’re ready to turn that frown upside down, read on.


There’s a line in John that got me thinking. Apparently, much like the story of creation occurring in 7 days (we all know a day back then was, like, a least a few years. – I mean how else would we explain the dinosaurs?), Jesus had some time on his hands after he rose from the dead. According to John21:25

 “25 Jesus did many other things as well. If every one of them were written down, I suppose that even the whole world would not have room for the books that would be written.”

Like I said 50 or so words ago, this statement started turning the gears of the old cranium so I decided to come up with my own list of the 12 things (in no particular order) I figured a newly minted zombie would do before he jettisoned himself into the heavens. I hope you enjoy.

12. Told stories and performed miracles. (I mean, what else would Jesus do?)

11.  Figure out a way to make some quick cash. (All that traveling has got to be expensive.)










10. Realizes That’s no way to make money so he gets a real job.

Unknown 11.11.21 AM









9. Check out the newest metropolitan city, find it amazing and break out into song and dance.










8.  After he discovers how much he loves dancing, he hits up a club.

















7. Realizing that clubbing isn’t for him, he tries a new style of dance.


















6. Teaches some nuns how to fight, ninja style, in His name.











5. Get’s arrested for manslaughter.















4.  Goes back to dancin’, Snoop Dogg style.












3. Tries his hand at being a stand-up comedian.



2. Sits down by himself for one last dinner while he looks back on his life.









1. Decides it’s time to go home.














About Christine Hughes

A few things about me in no particular order: 1. I love the NY Jets (I know, I know...) 2. I love where I live. An hour to NY, Philly and the Jersey shore. 3. I have two boys and they make me laugh hard enough to blow liquids out of my nose. The hubs is funny enough to make me pee my pants. Not that it's ever happened. Of course not. 4. Being a writer is the best job on the planet, and not just because I can wear jammies to work, drink coffee by the gallonful, randomly catch up on my DVR'd shows, troll YouTube, flip on E! News and browse iTunes - all in the name of research. 5. I have some of the best friends in the world - they put up with my inappropriate jokes, foul mouth, strange musings and don't judge me if I drink too much wine on a Tuesday. Just sayin' - a girl needs her friends. 6. Represented by the most fabulous Michelle Johnson of Inklings Literary Agency. I fell into it with her - she is perfectly amazeballs. LOVE!

Posted on October 3, 2013, in Bizarro Bible Stories and tagged , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 2 Comments.

  1. How do you come up with this stuff?

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