Father of the Year!

DISCLAIMER: This blog post was written in good fun. It does not reflect the views of anyone associated with this blog in anyway. In addition, it may contain some adult content and/or biblical mockery that may offend some people. If you are one of those people, read on at your own risk or don’t read on at all. Your choice. We all have choices and I choose to not take everything so seriously just as you, the reader, may choose to skip my Thursday blog posts. I am neither a heathen nor an atheist. As a matter of fact, I was raised in the Catholic Church and attended Catholic School for a number of years. Again, this is all in good fun – and laughing makes us all live a little longer. So if you’re ready to turn that frown upside down, read on.

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Genesis 19

Back on July 25 I posted a story about Lot and his horny daughters. If you want to know the story, click the link but long story short – he impregnated his daughters.

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And I am more than convinced they did it to get revenge.

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I know, right? Here’s how the story goes…. before the burning of Sodom, two angels visited Lot. he washed their feet as is customary when people come visit.

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Lot then offered for the angels to stay in his home for the night. They politely declined as they’d already decided sleeping in the town square was more comfortable than sleeping in someone’s home. Lot begged them to stay and they reluctantly agreed. Lot was excited. He was all like:

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His good time plans for the evening were brought to a screeching halt when an angry mob arrived at his doorstep demanding he send out the visitors.

They called to Lot, “Where are the men who came to you tonight? Bring them out to us so that we can have sex with them.”

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Lot is so upset – he tells the mob that in no uncertain terms is he going to allow his visitors to be raped by the mob. No. He has a better idea. He is a genius!!!

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Instead of offering the angels to the mob, he decides it would be a much better idea to offer his virgin daughters.

Lot went outside to meet them and shut the door behind him and said, “No, my friends. Don’t do this wicked thing. Look, I have two daughters who have never slept with a man. Let me bring them out to you, and you can do what you like with them. But don’t do anything to these men, for they have come under the protection of my roof.”

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Pretty sure Lot’s daughters were not happy. I’m also pretty sure that’s when they started planing their revenge, aptly named (by me) Operation: Bang Daddy.

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The angry mob would have none of Lot’s shenanigans for they did not come to take part in virgin deflowering.

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Sexually frustrated as they were, they were picky.

They wanted the angels and began to threaten Lot as they pushed toward the door.

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The angels then pulled Lot away and blasted the mob with their angel powers thus blinding them so they could no longer find the door.

The angels then turn to Lot and tell him to grab his family and get the hell outta dodge ’cause they’re gonna burn the city to the ground. You know, so God can rebuild it celebrating a new birth. So in essence, the angels are really just celebrating a birthday.

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(I know, it’s a stretch but I really wanted to use that gif)

Anyhoo, you know the rest of the story….

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~Christine

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About Christine Hughes

A few things about me in no particular order: 1. I love the NY Jets (I know, I know...) 2. I love where I live. An hour to NY, Philly and the Jersey shore. 3. I have two boys and they make me laugh hard enough to blow liquids out of my nose. The hubs is funny enough to make me pee my pants. Not that it's ever happened. Of course not. 4. Being a writer is the best job on the planet, and not just because I can wear jammies to work, drink coffee by the gallonful, randomly catch up on my DVR'd shows, troll YouTube, flip on E! News and browse iTunes - all in the name of research. 5. I have some of the best friends in the world - they put up with my inappropriate jokes, foul mouth, strange musings and don't judge me if I drink too much wine on a Tuesday. Just sayin' - a girl needs her friends. 6. Represented by the most fabulous Michelle Johnson of Inklings Literary Agency. I fell into it with her - she is perfectly amazeballs. LOVE!

Posted on September 12, 2013, in Bizarro Bible Stories and tagged , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 5 Comments.

  1. I LOVE these posts! They are hilarious and just darn creepy too.

  2. Yay God…I think…
    😉

  3. What a horrible story. Weren’t his daughters under his protection too? Not cool on Lot’s part at all, but so funny when retold by you, Christine.

  4. Oh my G, what a creepy story o_O

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