Bully A Bald Man. Get Mauled By Bears.

DISCLAIMER: This blog post was written in good fun. It does not reflect the views of anyone associated with this blog in anyway. In addition, it may contain some adult content and/or biblical mockery that may offend some people. If you are one of those people, read on at your own risk or don’t read on at all. Your choice. We all have choices and I choose to not take everything so seriously just as you, the reader, may choose to skip my Thursday blog posts. I am neither a heathen nor an atheist. As a matter of fact, I was raised in the Catholic Church and attended Catholic School for a number of years. Again, this is all in good fun – and laughing makes us all live a little longer. So if you’re ready to turn that frown upside down, read on.

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This week’s post will be a bit shorter than usual as I am currently loving life on vacation in the Outer Banks. I have stuff to do like sit on the beach, drink fruity drinks in the morning because, well, fruit is good for you, and make sandcastles with my kids. So, yeah, I’m busy.

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2 Kings:23-24

One of the most intense punishments for bullying can be found by clicking the above link. It’s also a lesson on why we shouldn’t make fun of male pattern baldness.

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In this story, we meet Elisha, one of God’s prophets (there certainly were a lot of them). He’s on his way to Bethel when his master, Elijah, was taken by God. Taken with a full on fiery horse-drawn chariot, I might add.

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(Pretty cool pic, huh?)

And did I mention that he was given all of his master’s prophet powers? Yeah. Double-prophet. Sweet.

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Anyhoo, Elisha was on the road to Bethel when he came upon a gang of crazy children.  Forty-two, to be exact. As adults, we all know what happens when 42 children roam the streets – they take on a gang mentality.

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The children started taunting, or jeering according to the Bible, Elisha. Of all things, they decided to make fun of his for being bald. As an adult, one would think he’d be able to walk away. But no. Elisha was a bad ass. Being a prophet and all, he cursed the children.

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Two bears then come out of the woods. And maul all forty-two children to death.

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Satisfied with the disembowelment of tiny humans, he went on his way thinking that next time, when someone makes fun of his bald head, he should maybe not act so rashly and instead come up with a snappy come back.

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The moral of the story probably goes something like this:

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Good advice. You’re welcome.

~Christine

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About Christine Hughes

A few things about me in no particular order: 1. I love the NY Jets (I know, I know...) 2. I love where I live. An hour to NY, Philly and the Jersey shore. 3. I have two boys and they make me laugh hard enough to blow liquids out of my nose. The hubs is funny enough to make me pee my pants. Not that it's ever happened. Of course not. 4. Being a writer is the best job on the planet, and not just because I can wear jammies to work, drink coffee by the gallonful, randomly catch up on my DVR'd shows, troll YouTube, flip on E! News and browse iTunes - all in the name of research. 5. I have some of the best friends in the world - they put up with my inappropriate jokes, foul mouth, strange musings and don't judge me if I drink too much wine on a Tuesday. Just sayin' - a girl needs her friends. 6. Represented by the most fabulous Michelle Johnson of Inklings Literary Agency. I fell into it with her - she is perfectly amazeballs. LOVE!

Posted on July 11, 2013, in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink. 2 Comments.

  1. Laughing with tears in my eyes. Too funny. I went to my bible to look up the reading. It was there, those poor children. Elisha was a tad bit harsh though.

  2. If only Elisha would unleash the bear at those hoodlums gathering at all hours of night around the school across from my house.

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