Showering While Naked Will Land You in Jail

DISCLAIMER: This blog post was written in good fun. It does not reflect the views of anyone associated with this blog in anyway. In addition, it may contain some adult content and/or biblical mockery that may offend some people. If you are one of those people, read on at your own risk or don’t read on at all. Your choice. We all have choices and I choose to not take everything so seriously just as you, the reader, may choose to skip my Thursday blog posts. I am neither a heathen nor an atheist. As a matter of fact, I was raised in the Catholic Church and attended Catholic School for a number of years. Again, this is all in good fun – and laughing makes us all live a little longer. So if you’re ready to turn that frown upside down, read on.

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EXODUS 21

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So, I was trolling the internet searching for some fun tidbit to share on today’s blog post. Pretty sure I hit the jackpot with Exodus 21. Of course, it’s no story of Onan and his infamous misuse of sperm, but it’ll do for today.

Exodus 21 is the part of the Bible that immediately follows the 10 Commandments – Thou shalt not kill and all that. As with all laws and rules, there tend to be loopholes – and Exodus 21 highlights the Commandments with more detail. And to be honest, some of the rules are pretty freaking funny. And others, well, others are just disturbing.

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Strange laws are more common than one would think. For example, did you know that in Arizona, one may not have two dildos in one house? In New York, you’re screwed if you’re single and looking – flirting in public can get you fined $25! And in Florida, sorry but showering while naked is completely illegal.

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And while you’re in Florida, be sure to avoid sex with porcupines. You’ll end up in the clink.

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As for Exodus 21, there are quite a few clarifications on the 10 Commandments. I like to be informed. Because, well, hey:

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Here are a few that had me WTFing:

12 “Anyone who strikes a person with a fatal blow is to be put to death. 13 However, if it is not done intentionally, but God lets it happen, they are to flee to a place I will designate. 14 But if anyone schemes and kills someone deliberately, that person is to be taken from my altar and put to death.

So, as long as I kill someone on accident, it’s God’s fault and all I have to do is flee the country? Premeditation is, obviously, a no-no.

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17 “Anyone who curses their father or mother is to be put to death.

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20 “Anyone who beats their male or female slave with a rod must be punished if the slave dies as a direct result, 21 but they are not to be punished if the slave recovers after a day or two, since the slave is their property.

Well, as long as they recover, right?

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26 “An owner who hits a male or female slave in the eye and destroys it must let the slave go free to compensate for the eye. 27 And an owner who knocks out the tooth of a male or female slave must let the slave go free to compensate for the tooth.

Compensation freaking rocks.

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And by the way…

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So, for all of us who don’t quite understand the rules, I’d like to thank the Book of Exodus for clarification.

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~Christine

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About Christine Hughes

A few things about me in no particular order: 1. I love the NY Jets (I know, I know...) 2. I love where I live. An hour to NY, Philly and the Jersey shore. 3. I have two boys and they make me laugh hard enough to blow liquids out of my nose. The hubs is funny enough to make me pee my pants. Not that it's ever happened. Of course not. 4. Being a writer is the best job on the planet, and not just because I can wear jammies to work, drink coffee by the gallonful, randomly catch up on my DVR'd shows, troll YouTube, flip on E! News and browse iTunes - all in the name of research. 5. I have some of the best friends in the world - they put up with my inappropriate jokes, foul mouth, strange musings and don't judge me if I drink too much wine on a Tuesday. Just sayin' - a girl needs her friends. 6. Represented by the most fabulous Michelle Johnson of Inklings Literary Agency. I fell into it with her - she is perfectly amazeballs. LOVE!

Posted on June 13, 2013, in Bizarro Bible Stories and tagged , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 3 Comments.

  1. I love the picture of Elvis you chose to illustrate sex with porcupines. Totally made my day!
    😉

  2. I think my favorite is the pre-meditated vs. meditated murder. It makes no sense. We had a similar discussion about this in my class. I could have used this earlier in the week.

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