Two for the Price of, Well, Two

Hello my fellow NSOBers! We hit a huge milestone this week  – 10,000 views! I say, keep ’em comin’ and we’ll do our best to provide you with fabulous posts, bizarre and otherwise. (I am inclined to focus on the bizarre, if you haven’t noticed.)

OH YEAH – BEFORE I FORGET:

DISCLAIMER: This blog post was written in good fun. It does not reflect the views of anyone associated with this blog in anyway. In addition, it may contain some adult content and/or biblical mockery that may offend some people. If you are one of those people, read on at your own risk or don’t read on at all. Your choice. We all have choices and I choose to not take everything so seriously just as you, the reader, may choose to skip my Thursday blog posts. I am neither a heathen nor an atheist. As a matter of fact, I was raised in the Catholic Church and attended Catholic School for a number of years. Again, this is all in good fun – and laughing makes us all live a little longer. So if you’re ready to turn that frown upside down, read on.

images-2

This week we’ll visit a weirdly interesting story of trickery. In the Book of Genesis 29 we meet Jacob, Laban, Rachel and Leah.

images-1

Ok, the story begins when Jacob rolls into the town of Paddan Aram and hooks up with a couple of shepherds. Small talk ensues — the usual “Where are you from?” , “Do you know so and so?” and on it went. Within the conversation Jacob finds out that those shepherds knew a man named Laban. At that moment, we don’t necessarily know the relationship between the two – until a lovely shepherd lady named Rachel enters the picture with her flock of sheep.

Something sparked between them, or in Jacob’s pants, because when he saw her he planted a big ol’ juicy kiss on her – nothin’ like a stranger walking up and kissing you, eh? These days a guy who did that would probably be maced – unless of course the girl was into kissing random strangers… To each his or her own, right?

Anyway, so Jacob kissed this Rachel chick- But he didn’t just kiss her – he wept when he did.

images-2

(^^^Shameless opportunity to post a Zac Efron photo – kissing a stranger? Only if he looks like that!^^^)

When they finished playing tonsil hockey, she asked who he was. He responded, “Your dad’s my uncle.”

Rachel, upon hearing the news, did what any sane girl would do – she told her dad. But her dad, Laban, seemed pretty okay with the turn of events and welcomed his sister’s son into the mix. I would say this is pretty weird, but then again, it is the Bible. I’ve read stranger things than making out with a cousin. Really.

A month or so had passed and Laban approached Jacob about working on his farm or with his sheep or whatever – not really clear on that. I imagine the convo went like this:

Laban: Hey there Jacob. You work so hard for me and haven’t been paid.

Jacob: For real, man. It’s hard work taking care of your sheep.

Laban: Well, I’d like to pay you for your troubles.

Jacob: I couldn’t take your money! We’re family.

Laban: I should pay you something.

Jacob: Well, if you insist. But I don’t want money.

Laban: I’m listening.

Jacob: What if, in exchange for me working for you for 7 years, I get to marry Rachel. That chick is dope!

Laban: (thinks on it?) Sure. I guess. Work for me for 7 years and you can marry your cousin. It’s the least I can do!

images-3

(I like how it says: Pay for Rachel…)

When the wedding day finally came, Jacob said, according to Genesis 29:21, “Give me my wife. My time is completed, and I want to make love to her.”

images-1

***DISCLAIMER #2: Before any of you take this literally – I AM NOT encouraging you to do the nasty with your cousin.***

Laban did as he was asked. Rachel was in full-on veiled wedding day mode. Jacob didn’t care that he couldn’t see his brides beautiful face – after all, he was a bit preoccupied with all the wedding night festivities, if you know what I mean. And wedding night festivities they did have! After a passion filled night of cousin love, Jacob and Rachel fell asleep. In the morning, Jacob awakened with his loins a-throbbin’ and prepared to mount his lovely bride. Only this time, it was morning and there was light.

images-5

Much to Jacob’s dismay, it wasn’t Rachel laying next to him. It was Leah. Rachel’s ugly sister.

images-2

He was expecting:

images-1

But instead he got:

images-1

Needless to say, Jacob was pissed. He left the tent, or house or whatever to find Laban and confront him.

2010-09-01-Genesis-29-v3-04dd80a8-16dede5b

Apparently, according the the traditions of the time, the first daughter was supposed to be married off first. I guess, Leah couldn’t find anyone to love her other than some sheep, so Laban decided to take matters into his own hands.

Of course, this wasn’t the last of the “deal”. In exchange for deceiving him, Laban offered an alternate opportunity. If Jacob agreed to finish out Leah’s marriage week and agree work for Laban for another seven years, he would be able to marry Rachel.

images-3

Jacob agreed. I can only assume he did because he was thinking with his other brain because it is specifically mentioned that (Genesis 29:28-30):

28 And Jacob did so. He finished the week with Leah, and then Laban gave him his daughter Rachel to be his wife. 29 Laban gave his servant Bilhah to his daughter Rachel as her attendant. 30 Jacob made love to Rachel also, and his love for Rachel was greater than his love for Leah. And he worked for Laban another seven years.

I can only observe that Jacob’s actions were purely motivated by sex. With his cousin. It makes me think of books that are moved forward, or attempt to move forward, based on sex alone. And I don’t mean 50 Shades…there is some storyline there. Can you think of any books where sex is the absolute main plot pusher and catalyst of the story?

images-4

And it needs to be mentioned again:

***DISCLAIMER #2: Before any of you take this literally – I AM NOT encouraging you to do the nasty with your cousin.***

~Christine

This-is-a-Work-of-Fiction-1

Advertisements

About Christine Hughes

A few things about me in no particular order: 1. I love the NY Jets (I know, I know...) 2. I love where I live. An hour to NY, Philly and the Jersey shore. 3. I have two boys and they make me laugh hard enough to blow liquids out of my nose. The hubs is funny enough to make me pee my pants. Not that it's ever happened. Of course not. 4. Being a writer is the best job on the planet, and not just because I can wear jammies to work, drink coffee by the gallonful, randomly catch up on my DVR'd shows, troll YouTube, flip on E! News and browse iTunes - all in the name of research. 5. I have some of the best friends in the world - they put up with my inappropriate jokes, foul mouth, strange musings and don't judge me if I drink too much wine on a Tuesday. Just sayin' - a girl needs her friends. 6. Represented by the most fabulous Michelle Johnson of Inklings Literary Agency. I fell into it with her - she is perfectly amazeballs. LOVE!

Posted on April 25, 2013, in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink. 4 Comments.

  1. Not the pretty Rachel the ugly Leah, we kid about that all the time… not nice kidding might I add but fun. lol

  2. You bring such a wonderful new light to bible readings.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: